Dual....:-)
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
