Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I can feel your judgement through the phone
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
