Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
This toilet bowl is my home.
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