I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
MIDGETS
????
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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