It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
