Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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