you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
