i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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