the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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