my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
