This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
