Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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