btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
