I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
