On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
