I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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