You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
