i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
