I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
