real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
