Moan for me like Helen Keller
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize