haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
