Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
