We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
