One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize