I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
