I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize