and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
