My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
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