why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
