im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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