Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
