My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Let's get the cat blown out
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
