Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize