I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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