Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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