i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
