it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
