As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
