Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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