This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
