just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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