My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
