I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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