You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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