sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
