I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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