I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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