I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
the raccoons are back...
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