i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
