I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
