Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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