I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
no you cant smoke seaweed
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize