I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
