some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
