Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
