I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
