Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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