my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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