maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
