I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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