I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
