life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
