I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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