We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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