I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
