apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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