Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
