his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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