They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
