I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
