How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
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