help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
