trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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