My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
