Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
