3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
This baby is an asshole
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize