I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I don't deserve a penis
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
