she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
