Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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