Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
