I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
