I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
