Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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