let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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