His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
