I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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