I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
