If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize