she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
