Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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