I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
