She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
