i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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