Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
