My room smells like vodka and shame
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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