hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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