He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
my being single is dangerous.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
it's like heaven, but drunker
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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