that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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