i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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