spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Who died my cat blue again?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
