I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
