good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
