But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
