Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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