i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
