he told me I talked like a deaf person
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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