her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
