How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
