It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
