i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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