it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
