I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
